I built a business, survived burnout, and still longed for a baby. Then I stopped waiting — and started becoming.

I spent years chasing two big dreams: to build something of my own and to become a mother. One followed the other like a promise: first, I would create the business, then — once everything was “stable” — I would make space for a baby. I worked hard. I hustled. I burned out. I learned. I healed. And still, in the quiet moments between emails and client calls, the longing was there — steady, tender, relentless.

“What am I waiting for?” I started asking myself. For a season. For financial certainty. For the right relationship. For the perfect timing. For my energy to return. For the cosmic sign that this was the ‘now’. I framed my life as a waiting room: I would live, but not fully; I would plan, but not leap. I thought if I just held the line long enough, life would hand me the answer.

Then one morning, tired of deferring myself to a future that might never arrive, I did something simple and seismic: I stopped waiting. I stopped rehearsing the “what ifs” and started becoming the person who could hold both dreams — the entrepreneur and the mother — even if they landed in a different order or looked different than I imagined.

Here’s what shifted when I stopped waiting.

I traded “someday” for small, deliberate choices

Waiting felt like a passive surrender. Becoming felt like agency. I began to move with intention. Not dramatic, Hollywood-style changes — just consistent, manageable decisions that added up. I prioritized sleep. I set boundaries around work hours. I scheduled doctor appointments and fertility consultations. I saved in a way that supported options. I reached out to friends and mentors who’d navigated similar journeys. Each small action said to myself: I matter now.

I learned to hold grief and hope at the same time

There is grief in letting go of the fantasy timeline we once held. Grief for what we imagined motherhood or career would look like. But naming that grief made space for hope. Grief isn’t the opposite of hope — it’s often its companion. By acknowledging both, I didn’t have to choose between them. I could honour loss and still believe in possibility.

I stopped waiting for permission (and gave it to myself)

So many of us wait for external validation — a bank balance, a partner, a planner’s green light. I realized no one was coming to grant me permission to want both. I gave myself permission to prepare, to pursue, and to grieve. I gave myself permission to be imperfect and to change my mind. Giving myself permission was radical. It changed everything.

I built scaffolding instead of relying on miracles

“Becoming” required support systems. I opened up conversations with my partner (if I had one), my doctor, trusted friends, and a therapist. I researched options (donor paths, single parenthood by choice, fertility treatments, adoption possibilities) not to overwhelm myself but to know the routes available. Knowledge doesn’t eliminate uncertainty — but it shrinks it into something navigable.

I let my identity be broader than one outcome

For years I measured myself by a single outcome: did I have the baby? That narrow lens made every day feel like a countdown. When I broadened my identity to include who I was becoming — a resilient founder, a kinder friend, a woman who could hold longing and action at once — life felt full even in the in-between. I was more than the question I kept asking myself.

You might recognise this pattern in your own life. Maybe you’re the one waiting for that perfect future before you start living. Maybe you’re clinging to a “possible but what if…” that keeps you paused. I lived with that “what if” so long I almost made peace with perpetual maybe. Then I realised: I couldn’t live a life defined by what might happen. I needed to live now, in ways that aligned with what I actually wanted.

So which one are you?

• Are you perched on the fencepost, waiting for the right day — the perfect job stability, the right partner, the ideal bank balance — before you allow yourself to act?

• Or are you becoming — making small, courageous choices that tilt the future toward what you truly want, regardless of how messy the path might be?

If you see yourself on the fence, here are three gentle, practical steps to begin becoming today:

1. Make one concrete choice this week. Book an appointment, send an email, start a savings pot — a single action will shift momentum.

2. Name one fear and one hope. Write them down. Face them both. Naming reduces their power.

3. Build one small support scaffolding. A friend, a professional, a group — someone who can hold you and help you plan.

My life didn’t snap into a neat, fairy-tale ending the moment I decided to stop waiting. There were still hard days, still questions. But the difference was seismic: I stopped living in a holding pattern and started living toward something. I started becoming the person who could meet life, and whatever it brought, with courage.

If any of this lands with you, I’d love to hear it. Comment below: Which one are you — waiting, or becoming? And what is one small action you can make this week to start moving?